Real Housewife Naija Answers: Current Issue

I got an email from a married woman on advice on the current issues she’s facing in her marriage. Here’s her story

I got married 5years ago after a 3years courtship. A year to our marriage during the courtship i discovered from his document that a lady had a 2years old son for my husband. I confronted him he pleaded and pleaded and stated the entire story how it was from the beginning. that even, he wasn't sure of the child paternal. That the he has never slept with the lady without condom, so how com she now came about pregnancy surprises him. Then i already made up my mind of walking away cos I just can’t cope with someone who already has a child, he continue to plead and plead he now brought out a ring to proposed to me that night. Now I was a bit relieved and hope someday has he has stated his story, the true paternity of the child will surface.

Now that he has proposed, he took the bold step to announce to his family about his fiancée he is about to get married to. 

Here comes the toughest period of our lives. His family never agree he gets married. Even the previous lady who had a baby for him they never wanted him to marry the lady, wanted to collect the child from her.

  

after a year with all the trouble we finally got married with the intervention of God and some family members. And not as if is 100% from her heart( mother in law) she just wanted to honour the people who intervened. After the marriage it was still war she never stopped fighting me despite I have kids for his son.

To cut the story short, last Sunday he visited mother, I am not always happy whenever he is going there because am not sure the kind of power she may use to influence or pass into him. so my mind is not always at rest. Even at times we all go there together, this woman will call my husband separately for over 3hours discussing, I and the kids will be so bored until they are done before will have to spend additional 3 hours to leaving.

He came back very late in the night since he has left in the morning, I was so angry with him. he was angry also and started to act without talking to me even when I asked him what happen that why was he so late. “this is always my fear if he is going to visit his mother" after acting up he powered the generator. We have been in the dark cos the Gen requires physical power to bring it on. So we waited for him to come back and power it. We all went to bed without talking to each other. he didn't eat dinner that night am so sure he has been full. Later on the Gen went dead i woke him up to tell him the Gen is off, he didn't responded, i taped him at his back he said i should leave him alone and not to tap him again. I went ahead to still taped his back he warned me if i do that again he will slap me. Because of this that i heard made me to still tap him again, the next minutes he slapped me several times and hit me. I didn't responded with anything then i started to raise my voice on him later on i left him to sleep, after an hour he powered the Gen on. The next morning i feel like leaving him and ask for some space and probably travel  to Abuja and while a way some time. This is my story.

Best regards

My response

Please I don't advise you give any kind of space to settle issues. It doesn't help. In fact the distance will allow more access from externals to pile the perceived negative influence on your husband. I know it is not easy but here’s what you can do to win your husband to yourself.

More prayers and prayers. Talk to  your mum, dad or pastor but ‎don't put pressure on him (your husband), In fact show him more love, welcome him well, never show you are pained because of the current issue, ask him how his child is. Pet him more, that way he’ll be open to you and cling to you . Never nag him or allow yourself become his fisting bag, if he doesn't want to on the gen or do what you ask of him, manage without it and be happy, let him have the space he needs while you're still in the same house under same room but please keep being dutiful as a wife.

Whenever you notice his mood is calm you can go to him and play like you used to. In all, keep praying. God almighty will sustain your marriage and bring happiness to your home again.

Cheers.

 Please drop your comments on your views/opinion on this