Anger Management

As a spouse sometimes you get angry. Anger is a very powerful emotion which can vary from strong to light rage, it differs between individuals and also the cause can affect its magnitude. It can come from frustration, depression, stress, quarrel, disappointments, jealousy, loss of trust, e.c.t. Even though expressing it can sometimes be good for you, jumping at every little thing and blowing it up is not healthy. So how you manage it determines the weather of your home, whether it's going to be joyful or full of depression. Most people who had parents or guardians whose homes were abusive find it difficult not been the same but i tell you, anger can be expressed calmly. It is always best to calm down when you feel angry before expressing the rage because it can be harmful to the receiving end and when you are a little calm regret comes in. Find out how to control your anger whenever it sets in. It's unrealistic to expect your spouse to behave exactly as you want at all times, remember you both came from different families and culture. Here are some few things i do when i feel angry or sad;

• Visualise peace- i use this logic on myself, i tell myself that this is a rough path of daily life and soon i will cross it
• Not saying the first thing that comes to my head, i learnt by experience to always think first before talking
• Talking, this is one of my favourite things...talking clears your heart and it gives you an insight on your spouse heart, never conclude when you know nothing. Talk in a positive and constructive way and choose a good time to talk and never when your spouse is tired or having a rough day
• Time-outs they are not for your children alone, take short breaks to cool off, i normally dip my foot in cool water, it eases my tension
• Work on solving the issue that made you mad rather than thinking about the issue that made you mad
• Exercise. some calm exercise like yoga also calm you down or taking deep breaths
• Rather than saying hurtful words i write it down in paper and later tear it up
• Lastly and the most powerful of all is Forgiveness. do not allow negative thoughts and anger crowd your positive feelings, because you may find yourself swallowed in in your own bitterness and pains. Forgiving whatever your spouse might have done to you in the past is a big part of this, i found out that most couple do not truly forgive their spouses past, this builds up into irritation and turns into snapping and expressing anger at anything little as the compare every act to the past. Only with forgiveness will both spouses learn from the situation.

Avoid alcohol or smoking as a means of calming your anger. I am not saying getting angry is bad, some people may say as a wife you are meant to be happy at all times, never showing you are angry....these set of persons are worse because they feel angry but rather than expressing themselves they bury the expression and the day they will explode hmm, it is always destructive.

Happiness is a choice and so is unhappiness...choose today to be happy