Parents Be Careful Your Choice of Child's School-Read Story

Life for three-year-old Darasimi Ogunwunmi has become a daily dose of agony and struggles for survival.

Clinging to life at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital, Idi-Araba Lagos, Darasimi’s survival has been due to his sheer will to live, doctors say.

At the moment, doctors have said Darasimi would require another round of surgery for the repair of his throat and stomach which cumulatively would cost about N2.5m.

A Mothers Role in A Child's Life

Been a mother is not an easy job, you think your job is done once your child may have graduated, started working and get married? Well the answer is NO, it has just only begun.

As my mum would say "a mother’s job never ends". Lets analyse few experiences a mother goes through in a child's life;

Pregnancy: A mother carries her child for 9 months been careful not to harm the baby through her life style and does that until delivery.

First year: A mother nurtures the baby, train the baby to sit, crawl, stand, and walk. Care for the baby during teething and makes sure the baby get necessary nutrition. And through these milestones she patiently watches the child grow and making sure the baby is not harmed.

Toddler: A mother gets an eagle eye on the child to avoid home accidents since the child is so innocent and naive and can’t tell what will harm them, teaches them to be good Christians instilling Christian acts in them and teaching them cultures, Is there to tell them stories and do their homework with them.

Teenagers: A mother advices and teaches more morals, culture. She carefully observes her behavioural development and character and corrects them when they are not right. A mother sometimes draws her own childhood experience to use as information to correct and teach her children. A mother watches, understand and knows her child’s temperament/ anger level and then changes them to good if they were otherwise because once they are adults, it becomes difficult to change. She helps her child become academically good not only by teaching them but also by praises, encouragement and advices.

Adult: Renders continuous advice

And even after marriage your job is to continually pray and offer good advice to them. You see we can go on and on the job never ends.

As a mother you have to be a natural in;

Teaching trust and security to your children,

Been kind and loving, 

Having a positive attitude, 

Bringing/holding the family together, 

Been a good adviser, 

Been a confidant, 

Teaching the importance of discipline and hard work.

knowing your child so well that you can interpret their behaviour, know when they are telling the truth, understand their emotions, knowing their talents and limits.

It is important you know your role as a mother because the earlier you do the better, as you know in Nigeria when a child does not have a good character, the mother is blamed. And you will see that once your first born is well trained, others follow suit, mothers please take note.

Managing Stress as a Housewife

Decided to talk about what we all face...stress.

Remember the first few weeks after birth say 5-6 weeks when you have to change your sleeping schedule to your baby's? they sleep peacefully during the day and stay awake almost through the night, sometimes all through. it wasn't easy i guess, for me i simply changed my sleeping schedule to hers.

As they grow they change back to sleeping at night and play during the day, now you are their playmate and you must not spend 2secs not giving them attention, they don't know if you have to clean up, cook or rest. in this case i wait until baby's nap time to carry out other duties around the house and also to update my blog.

Understand it is not only exhaustion for you but also for baby, imagine how they feel when they can’t express themselves, the only way they try to tell you how they feel is to cry and then you as the parent try to understand, most time we rush to feed them or rock them to sleep which may not be what they want. In fact if it were you how would you feel? Also the pains they feel while teething, even when they stay up late and you feel you are the one stressed alone, that’s not true because they too are also stressed and that’s why they sleep longer at day time to relax and not feel cranky.

Whether you are a working class or stay at home mum, male or female, adult or child believe it we all go through stress. If you think you don't, ask yourself this sincere question within the past year, month, week, day, have you not felt stressed? Some persons may ask, do housewives go through stress? Since they don’t work or report to anyone like in an office setting. My response to such persons is always same-why don’t you switch places for 1 week and find out.

Well in one way or the other i have gone through stress. Here is the thing about stress it can come in any form for example been stuck up in traffic, finishing your assignment, you and your family health, anxiousness, fear...etc. And i have learnt that becoming a parent takes it to a whole different level as you have children to care for, the home, your husband, yourself and most times extended family and it is completely overwhelming.

It is very difficult managing the home when you are stressed, whether you like it or not as a woman your duty is to keep the house functioning properly---married or single

To reduce stress as a woman especially a housewife, you need to plan just like if you were working, because if you run the house without planning you will find out that are running in circles and end up not achieving anything. In your plan, take note of the time so that you can be effective in what you are supposed to do. Some women go visiting friends and be like i will do this and that when i return, because there was no time tagged in their plan they get it wrong and begin to complain, before you know it stress sets in, so tagging time to a specific task in your plan is very important.

Here are some few things i do when am stressed, i hope this helps you too.

Transition From Working Class Wife To Stay At Home Mum

This is a delicate issue, It is not easy been a stay at home mum especially when you were working before, "Family is Life" At first if you decide to become a stay at home mum, you may feel like you are been lazy, but I tell you its a wise decision, think about  your children, they need proper care, attention and training, the best place they can get it is from you, I believe you don't want to miss your children milestone do you?

Before you make such big decision please think about it very well, pray, talk with your husband before drawing up a conclusion.

Some few years back say 5 years ago if anyone had come up to me and say hey you will one day become a stay at home mum, i’ll say never, even down to say 2years ago. Discussions with friends about the future as at then was career career and career, we would discuss how we would juggle work, the home, parenting and get every aspect of our lives balanced. Well am a graduate degree holder with a good result. 

I was a career woman, working and taking care of the home activities. But as soon as i had a beautiful gift from God –my daughter just seeing her smile, i could not let career or working get in my way for caring for her .

I know most women wont want to give up working to care for their children, there's day care, minders, you know deep down that no one can care for your child more than you the mum. Your time and money is nothing compared to spending it with your children, all those moments you cannot recall.  

Today stay at home mums just don’t stay been idle  these days they blog, have YouTube channels, we have a lot of mummy blogs out there, freelance writers. These things keep you  busy and reduces nagging and even though you are not doing any of these, taking care of your children is enough to keep you busy throughout the day so much so that it feels like 24 hours is not enough, you know what i mean mums, lol.

The Career:

You want to be at the top of your career, you can always further your education when it is best convenient for you, probably when the children are a little grown and know good from bad, you can get that masters degree, or your PhD, become a professor. Etc or get professionally certified.

The money.

I believe you and your husband are 1 and if he is comfortable you are too and so is the family. But  after the children are grown and you want to get a job, it is not a bad idea. There are so many cases of women returning to the labour market 10, 12 years later or becoming an employer of labour.

You don't need to compare yourself with family A or B, nobody or family or child is equal, we are all unique in our own ways, what worked out well for you may not work out well for me.

Here are some few thoughts I have for your information.

When choosing to stay at home, since you worked before you may be feeling unfulfilled, please don't, enjoy parenting, because you as the wife is the caretaker of your marriage and family. But if you feel a need to do more, you can invest in business which will give you luxury time for your kids, I mean that is the point why you stopped work.

Before choosing to stop work here are some few tips you should consider after you must had a productive discussion with your husband

• Is your husband's salary enough to cater for the basic needs of the family
• If your husband is laid off, will there be enough cash to run the home for at least 6 months before he or you get a job?
• Will you be mentally fine and not turn out to be a nagging wife

Now that you have chosen to quit working you need to know things have changed, make sure you always make diner before your husband comes from work and avoid nagging or gossiping with neighbours. Give your full attention to your children and care more for your husband.

If you are a working class mum and you are still caring for your family husband and children very well, kudos, you are totally killing it.

Family is everything and no one cares for you than your family.” You only start living when you realise that family is everything”.

I am a recent stay at home mum and i am enjoying every single bit of it. Now if you are thinking of joining, have a go! 

Yes Mothers Lets Talk About Sex After Delivery

Returning to your sex life after delivery is one topic we need to explore, you are not alone in it, most mothers experience it. you feel ah after delivery you just jump right back to what it used to be? well 50% NO.

Pregnancy throws you into so many mixed feeling, some women have a high drive and other low during pregnancy. And after all the pregnancy hormonal change, you finally deliver your baby and you think its over, some women who delivered vaginally may have had their vaginal destroyed, lol not really though but not as it was before delivery most first timers get a tear, episiotomy and if it were Cs, even worse with all the pains after a major operation, stitches. Then you deal with healing process 6 weeks but longer in case of a Cs. some women even dread the 6 weeks mark because of the pains of the healing process, a feeling of  exhaustiveness due to lack of sleep or still feeling raw to even think of having sex.

Usually depending on your body you can start having sex from the 6^th week, and eventually when you start again you may experience dryness as your oestrogen level may be low from breastfeeding, you may feel so drained having to breastfeed every now and then especially when you have to care for the home yourself too, it’s not easy adjusting to motherhood, it can be overwhelming and sometimes stress sets in. Please always let your husband know especially the changes you are undergoing. Before you start having sex again, it is proper to seek your doctor’s advice on the best contraception for you because you can get pregnant any time once your period starts off again and you will ovulate just before your first period, except you want another pregnancy immediately.

So I have done a research and decided to enlighten our mothers who may need information on this here is what I found;

The gynaecologist says during breastfeeding the body produces hormones that can turn down your sexual drive thereby making it difficult for your body to make any of its own lubrication, also that stress also causes it, and the recommendation given was using lubrication.

I know right now you are probably thinking this is like a job, trying to re start your hot sex life right? Don't worry pretty soon it will be great again. Here is my tip to getting back the spark again

• Lubricate during dryness
• If you had a c-section start by lying side by side to avoid pressure on the wound
• always stay clean
• don't hold back on having sex, be free to express yourself
• be confident with your body
• exercise 
• eat healthy
• if your nipple is bringing out milk simply wear your maternity bra
• be sexy, enjoy your sensuality 

Some men complain that when they try getting intimate with their wives after baby has been put to sleep, you cannot go slow, its a rush or otherwise baby wakes up and calls for attention and this interrupts everything

Some other challenges men face after their wife delivers especially if they are new fathers are

Infidelity: When Forgiveness Seem Impossible

Most women are consumed with anger when they find out their husband is cheating on them, worse is when it’s a thought and not real. Some women even die of just hear say or imaginations probably phone calls at odd hours, funny messages, female colleagues, funny right? But a lot of women are like this, I mean why kill yourself when nothing is happening. But when it is confirmed from your husband especially when you caught them, how do you handle it? Many times questions begin to pop up in your head like can i forgive him and move on, can trust be 100% again, and should you stay married? Or you resent your husbands, it even gets worse to the extent that it affects your sex life, during sex you may find yourself crying or feeling the hurt all over again. But my dear wives nothing comes out of worrying or leaving your home, so do not stay up late thinking or exhaust yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually, because this issue has made some women so exhausted that they cannot pray, care for their looks or care for their husbands and children, i know it’s not easy you have been murdered emotionally, but you can be strong and kick the devil out. Because is the devil joy to destroy marriages.

I met and discussed with 3 women who have been married for over 20years, one 52years in marriage, the other 46 years and the 3^rd 25 years, this is what I gathered from them. One thing common between them is never run out that is never divorce/separate/cheat on your husband and never make it an open discussion between your friends. They say if you are divorced, what makes you think the next man you hook up with is Mr. Right, that it is worse when you have children, what virtue will you pass to them, One big advise I got from them was to ignore what we think the men our husbands are doing that may seem wrong and take it to God who is the father to All.

My advices to young couples, the resentment will surely go as long as there are no further association with painful events. Do not make rash decisions and seek professional help if it has driven you to the point of hurting yourself or people around you. Another thing that will help your psychology or thinking is never over monitor your husband, do not go through his phone or be jumpy about any call/s he makes and never assume, assumptions helps to guide your thought to negativity,  instead pray like your life depends on it, care like never before, look good and neat, give attention to your children, instead of thinking of the wrong he has done, think of the good, try not to be emotionally withdrawn and pray for your husband daily....be guided!

African Men: Women Who Cannot Cook

Most African men would ask you while you are still dating, can you cook? Or what is your native food and can you prepare it? This questions are asked just to evaluate if you can take care of his belly.

As a woman single or married. Been a good cook is passed from our mothers to daughters or learnt by self while growing up. If you are a good cook, it will keep your Husband drawn to you always. I recently conducted a feasibility study by questioning married couples, new and old and found out 90% of men love women who can cook well. Even the Men who claim not to fond of food, deep down they crave for good food. Now the question is can you cook or prepare a good meal, balanced to the core?

I also conducted a study on women and found out 60% can cook well, what about the remaining 40%. If you are a lady not yet married please sit close to mum, pay close attention to her kitchen skills so that you can become a good cook for your husband and kids, because this is one important aspect of building your family. But if you are married and can’t cook, the battle is not over, try to ask questions, never be shy, always ask your husband how the meal was and if  he says bad do not take offence learn and correct it the next time you prepare the meal. I learnt something from watching a movie desperate house wives  there a wife said "a woman should be a chef in the kitchen", my advice is if you are in such shoes, ask your married friends, old couple from your church, even the internet, etc There is a common saying in Nigeria “the way to a man's heart is his belly” lol .

I will share some kitchen tips time to time here so don’t worry you are going to be a great wife and mum. It is great to be a good cook

How Long Have You Been Married. Kirk Franklin Celebrated 20 years wedding anniversary

Award winning gospel musician, Kirk Franklin has been happily married for 20 years now. He celebrated his 20th year wedding anniversary with powerful words to his wife,Tammy Collins. See His words below

Can I take my time?!
Get past the jacket, the shoulder pads, and the grill before retainers! Today I celebrate 20 years with this woman! We were young, I was dumb, she came from a good family, I had NO family, but she was patient; not stupid. A prime example of how a good woman can change a man without breaking him down. My past was sketchy...she knew that. She didn't compromise her standard but helped me reach it. Every song you've heard over the last 20 years, she wrote it. She was every lyric, every key change spelled her name. We've seen dark days together, but we saw them, TOGETHER. Men can be dumb at times, and want what's newer, fresher, or what our other "head" thinks is better... But to fail Tammy, is to fail God. To cheat on tammy is to cheat on the kingdom, my children, and even you... Those who trust me to chase Christ with everything I got. I'm not perfect, but I'm still in love...with Tammy. Happy 20th anniversary baby! (See bae I did it without saying something nasty!

For me I have been married for 2 years now, and I can say my Husband is my Confidant, my Hero and He has always been by my side been a big Brother, Father and Friend. Loyalty, Humility, Honour, Truthfulness have been very key features for me. I will continue to love him till forever

So Share your story, How long you have been married, and your story.

Post Delivery Body+Photos of Mercy Johnson 1 Month After Delivery

After delivery, a lot of changes occur but most ladies about 80% look forward to looking their pre-pregnancy self. That won't happen at once. It is not easy getting back into pre pregnancy body especially when you gained a lot of weight during pregnancy. you have to really work hard, visit the gym, watch what you eat, exercise and a whole lot of things.

Actually immediately after birth you lose some weight, that of the baby and the placenta and gradually the weight keeps coming off depending on your lifestyle and genes. 

The tummy is also another aspect that comes with pregnancy, it depends on individuals as it may take up to 6-12 months or more to get it flat again, remember it took 9 months to get it stretched to accommodate your baby same thing to fading out stretch marks for those who had them.

For me, this was my experience. 

I gained a lot of weight during pregnancy from size 8 pre pregnancy to size 14 during pregnancy and after delivery for many reasons such as eating a lot, and resting a lot too i got help from two mothers doing baby care for me i added again and got to size 16. Everyone said they liked my new size and i looked beautiful in it, but all i wanted was to fit into my old cloths like most women out there want to also. So now am a size 12 and am still shedding more weight when i get to 10 or probably 8 again i'll stop. so here is what i did to achieve the weight lose

1. Skipping 
2. Doing all house chores myself that includes not having a maid. 
3. Detoxifying by drinking a lot of water, taking a lot of fruits and vegetables i mean a lot
4. Changed my choice of meals  and times. i stopped eating at late night, have diner by 7pm and fruits anything after then. in the morning i start with water and fruits then something light, eat heavy during lunch and light at diner.

Be patient, never force yourself through extreme measures to return back to your pre pregnancy size, i believe everyone is beautiful no matter the size. I mean pictures i took in all my sizes are gorgeous and i only started noticing changes in my size 10 months post delivery.

See Photos of Mercy Johnson 1 Month after having her son after the cut.

The Funny Things Babies Try To Eat

You know babies at a certain stage when they crawl, or are learning to walk try to put everything in their mouth, even toddlers. Sometimes parenting takes you by surprise especially when you are a new mum.

I try making a bunch of lovely nutritious food for my baby, have to sing her through eating, sometimes she fakes sleeping just to escape eating. After all my worrying of what she can and cannot eat i was surprised just this afternoon I saw my baby rush to eat a paper, i stopped her immediately, paper, lol. 

Putting things in their mouth is a way of exploring and they learn from it. Although sometimes they may get sick from the bacteria or germs found in these things they mouth, so try to keep your home and their toys clean, and if you have older children, keep their toys away to avoid your child swallowing something she could choke on. It will amaze you the kind of weird things children rush to put in their mouth and attempt swallowing without thinking twice, it only takes you turning away from them for 1minute, wait 1second, in fact if you are reading this, before you are done she should have tried swallowing at least 5 of the following; 

• Paper, probably the most common
• Paper Bag
• Leaves and grass
• Crayon
• Sand
• Ant
• soap
• Body mist or perfume
• hair
• cream, lip stick
• magazine
• napkin
• tissue
• crayon, pen
• shoes
• Peg
• pampers/wipes
• Chewing gum, and they swallow this one.

There are plenty of things that you definitely don’t want to end up in your baby’s mouth. The main dangers are choking and , poisoning so always supervise your four-or-under child closely when she’s eating and playing. 

Feel free to share your baby/toddler's funny moment/s

Maid Services or Not-My View

Most houses have 1 or more house keepers who carry out chores for them, these house keepers could be children of friends, or friends, neighbours, a link through advertising their services or even someone from the village, Well I choose not to have one for many reasons, It’s difficult having someone in your house to cook/warm what you prepared or clean the house as good as you want it.  Aside from obvious risks such as stealing, bad character and witchcraft, you really bring a person with all of their personal problems into your home. here are some reasons why I choose not to have one

• Bad Spoken English: Most maid do not have a good command of English, especially those you get from the village. You have to go through the stress of teaching them and most times it hardly works. What will your children learn then since they spend more time with them
• Trustworthiness: Some of this maids when you are not around let people into your home, remember your home is your sanctuary. And they also gossip with their friends things that go on around the house....this is bad security wise
• Different Version of Cleaning: No one can clean your home like you do, I remember when i was delivered of my baby and my mum came around to take care of me, by the time I was strong enough to work and handle things myself, she exclaimed "wow, no one can truly arrange the house like the owner" So if you want the house as clean as you would have it, you have to train your house keeper first, and even at that you keep correcting.
• Training: Who then trains your children, remember you responsiblity is to train your children in the right way and if you fail in this aspect people will not blame them or your husband or maid, it is you and only you.
• Maltreating your children: Maids tend to maltreat your children when you are not home especially when you are always hard on them or beat them.

Feel free to comment, add to this lists or say why you choose to have a house keeper. This is just my opinion

Wives Never Tell Anyone These Things About Your Husband

This is a hot topic amongst married women. They hang out with friends and try to get marriage tips and advice, or have fun exchanging stories about funny things their husbands have done. Or have phone conversations about it. It is a problem for both men and women. However some things are to remain secret between you and your spouse in other to avoid damaging your home and family.

My mum will always say stay put and tell it to God, it works every time because “He understands you better than you”  These are some things you should never tell anyone like;

·         Your Sex Life: I mean why should you discuss you sex life with anyone? Why should you tell your friends how your husband is in bed? These same friends will be the very ones to help push you out of your home and take over your husband after all they know all your most personal info and secrets. It should be something personal, just you and your husband and no one else.

·         His fears: Everyone has fears but men hide theirs because they the head and don't want to be one who cannot protect his family. Talking to your friends about it will only make him despise you because they feel their ego has been reduced. Rather than talk about his fears to others, pray about it.

·         His Salary: Of who's concern is it about your husband’s salary? Never bring this out, that’s his pride, whether he has enough or not, keep it to yourself and protect your husband

·         Your Spouse Weakness: You are only creating room for vultures and the evil ones when you expose his weakness. Instead please wives pray because marriage is likened to the church and that is one thing the devil roams to destroy

·        Telling your mother or mother in law how he acts in the marriage: Marriage is between you and your family. What do you gain telling your mum or in-laws how your husband’s act in marriage-praises, petting? Marriage is about maturity and until you learn that, then and only then will you see the beauty in it

Please feel free to comment and add more. 

Typical Day of a Nigerian Housewife

Husbands love and appreciate your stay at home wives. Don’t feel all they do is nap and gossip, most of them don’t have time for this. They give the best care to the children, you (husbands) and the home. Have you ever wondered how a housewife spends her day as a man, working class mum, yet to be married boy/girl.

I am a wife, a mother, and I don't have house keeper/s, and this is how my day goes;

After devotion and hygiene, I make breakfast, pack lunch for my husband and see him off. Baby would be awake by now so I take care of her hygiene and feed her, eat my breakfast and then we bond. And then when she takes her mid day nap, I do the dishes n update my blog.

When she wakes up, I care for her, feeding, play time(it is fun playing with your baby, you know as any goofy sound or face you make excites them, and helping her through her milestone either sitting, teething, crawling, standing or walking . Then I clean the house and start making diner by 4pm to make sure it is ready before my husband arrives.

Baby is still little, less than 1 and that is why I don't live her to carry out other household chores during the day instead I bond and try to help her through her milestone, most times I do the laundry and dishes and more blogging at night when she and daddy is asleep.

Here is a peep on how I get jobs done every week in the house especially without a maid.